Should I kill myself?

Should I kill myself?

Do I deserve to die?

When will the pain end?

Why does this happen to me? Why me?

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No, no and we’ll never know.

I have never met a person who has truly belonged; who has never once shed a tear and it’s safe to say I never will. And still there are 7 billion people on earth struggling to live through the day whether it’s in an I.C.U or in a plush bungalow in Los Angeles. But if you are reading this you are probably questioning your existence, you want to know if the struggle and the pain is worth it. You want to know if a slit on the wrist will make it all better. You want to know things that nobody has answers for.

You don’t want to live but you want to know if dying is okay, if that will be it. If wiping of your existence will make it all better. No, it won’t. Nothing will change except for the fact that you quit and for once people will not be able to pick on you for that. But oblivion is not worth that relief.

Remember the first episode of House M.D; his patient wanted to die with dignity and he tells her that there is no such thing. When you are dead you are just decaying bio-waste, that’s not dignity, that’s not relief, that’s not redemption that’s just nothing. And trust me nothing in this world is worth that pain. Living with no friends, an abusive parent, no hope; the pain they have in store for you is nothing compared to what you are doing to yourself.

I have lived with all that and more. I stuck around. I cried myself to sleep but always made sure I got up the next morning. I tried to look beyond the horizon and now that I am here I know it’s all worth it. Sure I write a blog that no one reads. I am a self declared “great writer”, but even with no appreciation from anyone I am okay. I am okay with almost nothing because I get to write and that’s what I want to do for the rest of my life. All this because I lived, cause I didn’t pop those pills in, cause I didn’t pick up that blade.

When you are dead and gone forever, sure your parents will grieve for the rest of their lives but soon no one will remember you or care about your story. And that as I said is a shitty thing.
On the contrary if you are alive you possess the power to change all that. Sure, everything is pretty bad now but there has to be a way to change it. Maybe you don't see hope today but the fact remains that tomorrow might be that day but if you don't stick around you will never know.

 Work for the things you love, dabble with your passions. (p.s. I won't believe you if you say there is nothing you are passionate about, maybe you just don't want admit that you love something so much so as to live in this big bad world and fight for it.) But believe me it’s worth the fight.

Okay maybe you don't make it big for the next few years but you have got to give credence to the fact that it could happen eventually. And even if it doesn’t, even if you live an average life, it doesn’t matter. Cause as long as you are alive you can at least try to be happy. It really doesn’t matter if you work at a gas station or a M.N.C; if you have a family to go home to or not because to keep you happy you only need you. Do your time on earth J and let time run its course cause the possibility of fulfillment is definitely worth it.

Remember Harland Sanders was 62 years old when the first franchise of KFC came to be. If he had given up when he was sixteen he wouldn't have been a millionaire and the world wouldn't have gotten such great fried chicken.

So push a little more, live a little longer and who knows you might be one of the greatest people to ever walk earth.

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And guys if you want to talk to someone, I am always here. You could leave a comment or get in touch with me at this email id anonymousteen10@gmail.com.  All you need to get through is you and just in case you need some comforting, your friend is just a mail away. Be a fighter, be there. It’s worth it, I promise.