Indians and Hypocrisy

The easiest topic to write on; not really, but I am trying to draw from my years of life experience to make it interesting.

Areas where hypocrisy is commonly observed:

  1.       Family:

         Hard work is the key to success; the greatest advice one procrastinator can give another. Example: our parents, I bet all of us have at least one parent who comes home at 5 pm, imparts life advice from 5 to 5:30 pm and then turns into a potato (see what I did there ;) ).

·          You should be ashamed; what people say when they have nothing else to say. We have all been chided by our grandparents especially before a session of them telling us why and how they were better students. Well guess what you guys didn’t really have a lot to chew on because GRAVITY was “out there” when u were studying. (if at this point any of you nonexistent readers feel compelled to correct me and tell that gravity was discovered way before our grandpys. went to school, DON’T, because I come from a mutant family and we have a lifespan of 500 years and love semicolons)

  2.       ARTS: I never thought that I would become such a successful actor/ musician/dancer/ writer……. (Even when I stalked the producer, gave thousands of auditions, started going to music and dance classes when I was three years old, dreamt of wining the Oscar/ Grammy/ Nobel etc)        A typical acceptance speech at the Lokandhwala Complex Annual Staff Function (entry by passes only ;)).

  3.       Successful People’s Air: I have always loved my job; it’s my passion that fuels me. (Fun Fact: I am on antidepressants, sleeping pills and still want to cut myself.) Typically these are engineers, doctors, lawyers, businessmen, teachers blah, blah, blah.

  4.      Sad Tweeters: the most irritating kind. OMG dead children make you sad, you condemn terrorist attacks, wow you must be the nicest person on earth. Don’t post sad faces, CONTRIBUTE in the smallest way, do that. Send in donations, say something that at least mildly comforts people because guess what, everybody is sad but the dead people, are a lot sadder.

  5.       Sad People (who are happy being sad people): My loneliness inspires my art. The pain is what makes me rich after all! Relationships tie you down (not literally), make you week and ordinary.( I am the guy/gal who is on every dating site, and some day someone will come and make me happy :’( )

NOW A PIECHART TO TOP OF THE NOT SO GOOD POST (why can’t we make arrows!). 

          Fig: based on extensive studies by me & BBC

TOODLES!

THE I.E (i.e. INEVITABLE END)

I am a pessimist, a hard core one. Every waking minute that I am alone (which is a lot) I spend thinking of the inevitable end. It is amazing how we live all our life gleefully oblivious to the fact that we are all in a final destination movie. Death might not be chasing after you right now but it is going to get to you and most likely than not it is going to spook you.

Cancer and all terminal diseases for that matter are terrible fates. In a lot of cases they turn out to be a death sentence; that is unless you walk out of the clinic after your diagnosis and get hit by a bus. (Didn't see that coming did you? precisely my point).  If you are lucky enough to get diagnosed and die of a terminal disease (I’ll get to the lucky part in a bit) you have the advantage of knowing that these are your last few months unlike your friend Somu who is going to slip over a banana peel, crash into the glass wall of a showroom, slit his throat and well die. (See?). The point is that you get to know, you get to blow up your savings, sell your house and shift to Hawaii. (or better yet Las Vegas! Or Vaishno Devi if you are the religious kind)

So what about the unlucky group, are we ever going to be at least mildly satisfied when we do have to leave this mortal form and become a part of the greater one? And this is where the bearable part comes in. Our mild satisfaction in this context doesn't have much to do with topping the boards, getting an eight figure salary or even a Nobel Prize (well maybe a Nobel Prize, I wouldn't know!). When the time comes, all that really matters are the silly things. Things like singing at an open mic night, asking your crush out, telling your friends and family that you love them, telling your foe that its water under the bridge (and stabbing them in their back, not literally of course, what kind of a person are you?), giving your dad a hug (even the one that isn’t particularly fond of you) and so on.

Now finally to the words of wisdom.

START NOW. Well don’t exactly sell your house and start doing drugs (even if you really want to). Just start with the small things. Sing at an open mic and get booed at, write a blog that no one reads, learn Hebrew, get a trampoline even if you live in a zero BHK, just do it. And if you have no idea what to do then make yourself some ginger tea (or coffee if you are the kind of person I don’t like, cause ginger tea is awesome and if you don’t like it you suck), so yeah make yourself some tea and go stand on your terrace and let nature work its magic because there really may not be a tomorr…

Complaining helps, I swear………..

When your father says that you are the best thing that happened to him on your birthday, it turns out to be one of your most cherished memories of your life. But when he says that and means the exact opposite (i.e. I wish you weren't born) then you make stupid decisions like sharing details of your personal life with the other six billion Homo sapiens that inhabit the earth. But then a girl has got to do what she has got to do. And so here goes.

Sometimes I wish the whole Tomorrow People thing was true (If you don’t get the reference check out their wiki page). That I could teleport out of the crappy place I am stuck in, that the reason I don’t belong is because I am a Homo Superior (you should really check out the ref). Yet truth be told I have lived all my life feeling like a Homo inferior. But my mother tells me that I am in no position to complain. Especially when my cousin spent a good half of his life in a hospital getting his anal tract surgically constructed. That is a tough time; this isn't. Ironically I am not particularly blessed either. So I can neither complain nor be thankful. I am stuck smack in the middle where all you can do is suffer through but all you want to do is yell at the top of your lungs.

And so here I am, yelling at the top of my lungs in the cyber space. I really do hope you listen in and yell back.

p.s. if you want to leave comments like be thankful for all that you do have; don’t, because if you have read through this whole post it means that your blessed life doesn't leave you with much to do except read others' complaints. So stop faking, find an alias and complain, it really helps. I am smiling right now, I could have made a smiley face instead but I hate backspacing.

PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS EVEN IF IT IS THE AFOREMENTIONED ONE, DEATH THREATS, OR YOU MAKE NO SENSE IDIOT KIND.

Toodles.